I found an old notebook journal from high school the other day. While most of it is too embarassing to ever own up to, part of one entry I thought was interesting. If for no other reason than its kind of shameful how many of these things are still true:
July 27, 1996
I've been doing a lot of self analyzing and I have come up with a few conclusions about myself:
1. I am entirely too negative. I dwell on things for too long and perhaps I'm making it worse than it actually is.
2. I have a knack for getting myself into a lot of trouble. I underestimate situations.
3. I tend to live my life in a weird sort of fantasy. A place where nothing can ever go bad andt hat I will be able to talk my way out of any situation or that it is all a dream and I will wake up soon. I never want to accept what is reality.
4. I'm not honest with myself or other people. No one knows the "real" me - not even me.
5. I am never content. I am always looking for a confrontation. Whether it be teachers, parents, friends, employers, family, whatever. I am willing to change my opinion just to rebutt theirs.
6. I have a constant feeling of a conspiracy against me. Everyone is out to get me.
7. I am not not normal. It is not normal to think the way I do. There is something wrong with me, but no shrink can tell me that, all they can do is try to pinpoint a characteristic of something they read about once upon a time and give me fake happiness in a bottle.
8. My life is probably not as bad as I would like to believe it is. I have a sick sense of superiority in knowing my lfie is more fucked up than everyone elses'
9. I really haven't had an average normal life. This past year especially.
10. I am a living contradiction. I am always on both sides of everything.
Yes a good lot of that is your typical angsty-emo-teen bullshit... but a lot of it still holds true.
Kind of strange how things don't ever really change.
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